Quiet guys are intimidating us sedating violent prisoners
Rookie is an online magazine and book series for teenagers.Each month, a different editorial theme drives the writing, photography, and artwork that we publish.Think over-sharing, super-touchy, hard-to-shake clingers. Both behaviors are easy to see from the outside, but for many people, they’re incredibly difficult to change.Here, a panel of relationship authorities including Bravo’s Patti Stanger, Paul Falzone, CEO of e Love, e Harmony’s Gian Gonzaga, dating coach Paulette Kouffman Sherman, author of and Match.com’s Whitney Casey help to get to the bottom of the subliminal things women do to sabotage relationships before they even start.Learn more about us here, and find out how to submit your work here! We met on the Internet (we read each other’s blogs) and then became friends IRL when we both took classes at a summer art program in Philadelphia.Even though we went to different schools and lived in separate towns, we bonded over our similarities: We were both nerdy, ambitious feminists who liked to dress up and joke around.Often women act aloof in an attempt to protect themselves from disappointment when talking to a potential suitor or business client. “They don’t ask questions or appear interested,” she says, and the perceived message is quite simply that she’s not. The problem is, a person needs to receive signs of genuine interest from someone in order to pursue them.Unfortunately, and quite often, she really is—and her distanced behavior is a self-fulfilling prophesy. To get started, there’s got to be a displayed level of interest.” At the opposite end of the conversation spectrum of don’ts is equally as dangerous: word vomit.
I initially accepted people telling me I was intimidating, but the more I thought it the angrier I got. At first I interpreted it to mean mysterious or unapproachable; since I usually felt so self-conscious and insecure, I kind of thought, I definitely used to get people saying, “Before I knew you, I thought you were a bitch.” That concerns me so much, because it makes me wonder what they were basing that assessment on—MY RESTING FACIAL EXPRESSION? Also, I felt that by calling me intimidating, people were trying to turn into something negative, as in “I don’t want to work in a group with Gabby, she intimidates me.” HAZEL: Oh shit, you’re right!“Men don’t like cakey make-up,” Stanger says, while Casey’s biggest no-no is an over-glossed lip, which she compares to a “vampire fly trap.” She adds that another major fauxpas in meeting people is an overpowering scent.Particularly when meeting or attracting men, her advice is to stay away from a floral-scented perfume: “It reminds men of grandma or mom.Casey agrees that crossing your arms is always a bad idea—but that crossing your legs can be helpful, especially when used strategically.“Crossing your legs in someone’s direction is very welcoming.” Another oft-overlooked signal of approachability on first impact is the smile.
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Also, we’ve both been called “intimidating” by our peers, teachers, and parents, and all of them meant it as a compliment. A lot of girls we know have been called intimidating, so we decided to talk to each other about what this phenomenon actually means.